"a one girl man or two girl man" ....Seriously? Seriously.

Online dating is horrific.

I know that sounds pathetic, but it is. No one is ever who they claim to be and everyone seems to be looking for some freak form of perfection that doesn’t exist. Everyone seems to think they are “average” or “athletic,” when in reality they haven’t gotten off of the couch in years. Everyone seems to think they’d plan a super amazing date, when in reality we always end back at dinner and a movie.

Now, I have several friends who have met their significant others through online dating. It’s the new “in” thing. But it’s also somewhat taboo. There are just some people you can’t say, “Yeah, so I met my boyfriend online…” to and be taken seriously. Grandma, for example, often does not see this as a suitable way to meet your future spouse.

Yet everyone seems to be doing it anymore. And I do mean… everyone.

Even people who really shouldn’t be let near a keyboard.

For example, a message I received for the fourth time last night really just boggles my mind.

“hi

i read youyr profile and i like it!! i am trying to find a girl for me bc i am sick of being alone!!! i am shy at first and i am a one girl man or a two girl man if i have a girl if i have a kid!!! i am 21 years of age!!!

plz reply
brian”

I left the spelling errors and the overall… atrociousness of the message in tact in order to prove a very valid point. Like I said before, this is not the first time I’ve received this very same message from this very same user. Word for word, spelling mistake for spelling mistake.

I’d also like to take this time to point out that I have made it very obvious in my profile that I am a fan of well-constructed sentences, so obviously this boy doesn’t have a clue as to who he is spamming with his impersonal messages.

If you don’t read someone’s profile, how could you possibly understand if there is even the potential for a connection? How can you pinpoint those common interests that are so significant in determining how well the date could go?

The messages that impress me the most are the ones where the guy has actually taken the time to read my profile and process it. The messages that catch my attention are the ones where I feel he’s actually interested in getting to know me… and not just any random chick who might possibly reply.

I’m not saying that women should expect personalized novels from men we’ve never even met – but a sentence or two that directly relates to something we may have mentioned in our profile is a nice indication that we aren’t being mass-spammed.

Honestly, dating is hard enough as it is. Guys should at least try to use correct punctuation once in awhile – and some common sense.

Mental Checklist

We all go through the mental checklist when we meet someone, as cliché as it sounds.

First, whether we want to admit it or not, we determine if we’re attracted to someone right off the bat.

Now I’m not saying you need to be looking at a runway model or athletically fit baseball player to find that initial attraction, but there has to be something that draws you to an individual. Something that encourages you to find out more, something that gives you the balls to strike up a conversation.

Sure, there’s the playful banter that can form an initial connection. But that banter can only be thrown back and forth before we continue on with our checklist of musts for a potential mate.

___ Bare ring finger (although, that still doesn’t stop someone from dreaming…)

___ Sense of humor (otherwise known as the ability to make fun of him or herself)

___ Good intentions (re: Not a player, asshole, bitch, drug dealer, child abuser, whore)

___ Not a Yankees Fan (really, ANY other team will do.)

___ Ability to move to a beat (a.k.a. “can dance without falling on face”)

___ Responsible (pays bills on time, including – but hopefully not limited to – child support)

___ Open-minded (ie: no racists, sexists, atheists/religious freaks - depending on your preference…)

___ Avid fan of The Office or any Steve Carell project in general

___ Compassion (…or at least enough of it to keep from killing small animals on the road)

___ Bare ring finger (Cause we all know if someone fits the descriptions above, it must mean they’re not in line with our sexual orientation.)

I know it sounds silly to say a Mets fan could never love a Yankees fan (but come on, let’s be realistic here for a moment), but there is a foundation of common interests and goals that often lead to true friendship; a foundation which is essential in any relationship.

After all, who wants to fall in love with someone who wouldn’t even be a true friend to you, outside of the romance? And really, is anyone who doesn’t secretly love trashy reality television really worth dating to begin with?